Heartbreak. It’s a feeling most of us hope to never feel and yet most of us have more experience with than we’d like to admit. The worst kind, in my opinion, is the kind that comes after falling to head over heels for someone, only to have those feelings not reciprocated and instead given to someone else. Then the pain of having to watch said person fall in love with another while you sit on the sidelines is the salt in the wound. So here I am watching said person fall for someone else. Someone so opposite of me. Someone better than me?
This feeling of uselessness begs the question as to why we keep doing this to ourselves. Why do we put ourselves out there and get so deeply involved with someone only to have our hearts ripped right from our chests yet again? And furthermore, why do we occasionally go back to these people? Why do we let ourselves become security blankets, waiting for them to come back and want something familiar to comfort them at night? It must be a part of our mind that tells us that maybe this time it will work. Things will be better. Maybe in that short break they grew up and figured out what they want. And yet here we still are: sad, single, eating another pint of Ben & Jerry’s and dreaming of a better tomorrow.
I’ve come to realize, writing this, that all of this worrying and crying and attention I’ve paid to this wasted relationship is exactly that, wasted. Why does this person get to have someone who cares so much for them sitting around waiting for them to change their minds? They don’t deserve this and neither do I. It’s time to move on to someone who cares just as much abut me as I do them.
Here I am, Said Person, wishing you every happiness with your new love. Enjoy her. Love her. And watch me move on with my life.
I can do better.
I will do better.
I don’t really know where to begin. I’ll start with the basics. My name is Heather. I am a college student at UCF studying Event Management in the hopes of one day planning music events like Cochella or Warped Tour. I
am a slave to work for the mouse at the moment 40+ hours a week. I’m actually doing the Disney College Program with about 3 more months to go (thank God). I have 3 older siblings and two soon-to-be three sibling-in-laws as well as a nephew and another niece or nephew on the way.
I consider myself a sort of nomad. I’ve moved 8 times since I was born in Cincinnati, Ohio and can’t seem to sit still for very long. I dream of traveling the world and experiencing different cultures and maybe even living in another country for some time. i’ll go wherever the wind blows me.
I’m single and have been very unlucky in love. This will be obvious in the tales I may tell on this blog. As a side note, I am a lesbian and am in the process of completely coming out to my friends and family (I’m about half way there). Also let me tell you, being a girl does not make having relationships with girls any easier. We are a confusing and deep bunch of ladies. I still have yet to fully understand us. It’s a work in progress, as is my love life.
Lastly, I am a growing person who’s beliefs and dreams and goals are constantly changing. i’m looking forward to watching myself grow thought my stories and hope that i can look back one day and be amazed at how far I have come.
Lots of love,